To cope with our pain and fear and to fill the vast emptiness now experienced in the center of our being, we seek comforting external stimuli that we hope will replicate former states - pacifiers, baby bottles, stuffed animals, scraps of cloth all might serve this purpose. We mask the pain and confusion of our loss and attempt to mimic our former state of wholeness. As we grow older, we might mask our emotional emptiness by eating, amass wealth to feel valuable, or keep busy to avoid the sense of hollowness in our center. Eventually these ways of offsetting our perceived inadequacies harden into layers of behavior that make up the defensive mask of our personality.

Jett Psaris, PH.D. and Marlena S. Lyons, PH.D., Undefended Love