photo courtesy of pattista

It's funny, the topic of this article is excuses and this has been one of my toughest entries to write so far. It has taken me the longest to write. Not that it's any longer than my previous articles, it's just that the subject matter hits home for me much more on a personal level. Of course, I made excuses for it, such as not having enough time, being too busy, writer's block, etc. I then realized I was making excuses for not writing an article on excuses! I had to explore the underlying truths I was attempting to avoid, because as you will read, excuses are masks for a truth we don't want to face. What I began to realize, was that my excuses for delaying this article boiled far deeper than merely writing an article, it was a revelation into why I put things off, why I procrastinate and what I was fearful of.

What are excuses?

Excuses are merely reasons. They are self-justifications. Self-justifications for what? Well, for something that you did that you are not happy with or for something that you want to do, but don't. When you make an excuse you are avoiding responsibility and blaming something else as the cause. Instead of saying I DID this, you are saying - something MADE ME do this. Instead of saying I CAN do this, you are saying - something is MAKING ME incapable of doing this. Can you see that you are giving away your power away to something external, something outside of yourself? When you put the blame on someone or something else - you are transferring your power over to that person or thing. You are saying that that person or thing is stronger than me because it has the ability to control my life. It tells me what to do and what I can't do. I am weak and "they" are strong.

Essentially excuses are disempowering for you. They take away your innate strength. The trick empowering yourself, is to become more aware of yourself. The more conscious you are of yourself, the more control you have over yourself. Part of being aware of yourself includes, recognizing your "negative" habits. Excuses are one of these. One area of concern however, is to beware of falling into the trap of blaming yourself. The more aware you become, the more you realize your "faults" and "mistakes." At this point, it is easy to start a vicious cycle of self-loathing and negative self-talk. The trick to escaping this? You need to then become aware of the negative self-talk itself. To be aware of it is to give yourself the power to break the cycle, to develop new habits - more empowering ones.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone who had an excuse for everything? No matter what answer you give them, they have a reason against it. Do you sometimes think, "If only this person could hear what he/she is saying?" The other day, a friend of mine wanted to know how to get more energy into her life. I recommended she start a fitness program.

"I can't," she said. There aren't any gyms near my house."

"Well, how far is the nearest gym?"

"About 20 minutes away."

"That's not too bad, you can drive there."

"There's too much traffic after work. By the time I get home, I'm exhausted."

"Why don't you go in the morning, before work?"

"I can't get up that early."

"Well, why don't you just work out at home?"

"I can't afford a workout machine, they're too expensive."

"You don't have to, you can just work out with some dumbbells."

"Yeah, but I don't want to look like a bodybuilder."

When you talk to someone who always has an excuse, they have learned to convince themselves to not do something. They offer extremely valid and convincing reasons for this. "I can't buy a workout machine because I don't have enough money." That is a valid reason. But it is not a valid reason to NOT workout. Let me tell you this, there are a million reasons why something can't be done. For every reason why something CAN be done, there is an equally valid and logical reason why that same thing CANNOT be done. It's all a matter of perspective.

Excuses answer the question, "why can't I do something?"

The professional excuse-maker is constantly thinking about the reasons why something cannot be done. Since an excuse is a reason, that presupposes there is a question. You can't have a reason without first asking a question. In that person's mind, they are asking themselves the question, "why can't I do this?" Therefore, when a person gives an excuse it is revealing the way that person thinks. If someone is constantly making excuses, that person is always asking themselves the question, "why can't I do this?" That is a negative question to ask yourself. It takes your "creativity" and uses it for a negative purpose. Negative, meaning in a way to solve a problem that offers no real solutions. Because in the end, what purpose that serve? What good does that do? What does that person have to show for his/her "intelligence?" Nothing. You see, the excuse causes inaction. Without action, activity halts. The link between the non-physical reality and our physical-reality is through activity. Action is what causes output and production. The excuse maker may be the smartest person in the world, but he/she has nothing to show for it. The flip-side is to think about the solutions to a goal. Why can something be done? How can a goal be attained? What can you do to work towards that goal? In the mind of the excuse maker, he/she is asking himself the question, why can't something be done. In the mind of a successful person, they are asking themselves how can something be done?

Excuses are dis-empowering

The two words "can" and "not" should never be used together in a sentence. Throw them out of your vocabulary completely. Can't is an extremely disempowering word. It lowers your strength. Your body and your brain work together. Your brain tells your body what to do and your body listens. By repeatedly telling your body it can't do something, the body will not be able to do it. Instead, replace the word "can't" with "choose." Say, "I choose not to." The word choose is an empowering word. It gives you strength. Understand also, that you always have a choice in the matter. By using the word "can't" you are still CHOOSING to use that word. You are just not aware of your choice. Think about it. In essence, you are choosing to lower your strength. Why would you choose to do something like that? Does that make sense? If given the choice between something that empowers you vs. something that disempowers you, the choice seems obvious.

Excuses mask the truth

The excuse is never the real reason. The excuse itself, while it may be true, is an attempt to "protect" the excuse-maker from the "real truth." You see, the excuse masks the truth - it hides it and shields it from view. In essence, the excuse provides relief from having to face the truth. It is an escape. The problem is this relief is temporary. Like a bandage placed over the surface of a wound. The symptom may be treated, but the disease still lurks beneath, building up.

We feel that the excuse will protect us from the burden of the truth, but ironically it just adds fuel to the fire. Whatever you are trying to avoid from telling the truth, just causes it to build up. Often to a point, where it dramatically unleashes itself in an unhealthy light. Have an excuse for not having the time to work out? Well maybe, you just might get diabetes and then are "forced" to make the time. Have an excuse for always being late to work? Well maybe, you just might get fired and have to confront your issue. Have an excuse for not spending enough time with your family? Well maybe, your family might just leave you and you are faced to deal with your problem. You see what you avoid, you will eventually be faced to confront. That is the way life works. Why? Because life brings you face-to-face with what you must deal with in order for you to grow.

Excuses are based on fear

Why are we hiding the truth? Ultimately, it is based in fear. We are fearful of the truth. Fearful of the consequences of exploring and expressing the truth. For one reason or another, the underlying truth is something that we want to avoid. We feel that by not confronting it, we are protecting ourselves. Ironically, this works against us. The only way to get over this, is to face it and deal with it openly and acceptingly. In a way, you can look at an excuse as an opportunity. It is the external symptom to an underlying reality we are trying to avoid. Why haven't you quit your job? Why haven't you moved to another state? Why haven't you written that book? Why haven't you asked that girl out?

The list below may represent some real reasons an excuse is masking:

• "I don't want to put in the effort."
• "If I choose to do it, I'm afraid of what will happen."
• "I'm afraid I might fail."
• "I don't want the responsibility."
• "I don't like that."
• "I'm afraid I might hurt you."
• "I have something else to do."
• "I'm worried what people may think if I do it."
• "I don't think I can do it."

Instead of hiding from the truth the excuse is masking, face it. It requires strength and courage, but it will ultimately prove beneficial. The next time you find yourself making an excuse for something. Stop for a second and contemplate it. Become aware of it. Then ask yourself if there is a truth that the excuse is trying to hide.